i've lost the will to write lately. i'm not planning to show any pictures of my trip for the past few weeks. i think many people have seen enough of it, and i have something more important to worry about now.... :(
blame it on the fact that i'm having my period these days and that is exactly why i've been on such a terrible mood swing. one time i could go hyper and laugh while saying stupid things and at one point i felt that i just wanted to be alone and refused to talk. and lately i've been feeling really sleepy. like school's starting last week and since it's the last year in high school we've been working hard learning all these stuffs. pfft.
well i've had my worries about life these days. like is this what i've really wanted to do, is this the right path to choose, what do i really want in life? high school is going to be over soon, and i know in just a blink of an eye it's ending. i know my goal in life is just to be happy, i know that i want to be married to someone i love and have children with him, i want it so much that i've made my children's name from now. i know i want to travel the world with him and i want him to be the first one i see in the morning when i wake up, the one who thinks , "God, she's beautiful" when he sees me eventhough my hair is in disarray and i have pimples on my face.
i've been saying i wanted to go to this university to a certain faculty, but i've got my own doubts. can i really do this? in a psychology test i took a few months ago it said that i have difficulties in the spatial ability. i know women have more difficulties in this field rather than men, but still... i want to majored in architecture. it's what architects do everyday. spatial ability is what architects should have in the first place. and i can't even draw a straight line. like, adfadklfh :x
i just read some threads in a forum, discussing about architect stuffs, which is the path i kind of planning to walk to. and it says many discouraging facts about it, whether it's small things like how you'll need to stock yourself with coffee, and you won't need expensive pillows and beds, because you'll have to stay up really late to work on your assignments... drawing and making miniatures, or really big things like it's hard to find jobs for freshly graduate architects, or how the work of architect in indonesia are not very well respected, and it doesn't have a very good prospect to begin with. there's a phrase i remember so well, "susah masuknya, susah keluarnya, susah kerjanya". yeah well, it hurts.
i began to think about the reasons i choose to majored in architecture.
1. first thing first, i like to draw. i really do. it's not i like to draw houses or bridges or anything 3D, but yes, i still like to draw. and to be an architect, it means i'd be doing something that i like, which is drawing, for money.
2. and second, i thought, architect is an ideal job for me. it makes quite ammount of money (that, i know very well, because a successful architect like a father of my friend's can send his 3 children to a private school that costs a lot of money, and still have a luxurious life. hmm.)
3. and i can do the job everywhere i like, office, home, and that makes me feel free too be home whenever i want to. not that free of course, but you get the point. i don't really feel like working 9 to 5 that strictly. i don't want to be trapped in an office that long every day, every week.
4. being an architect, if there's no order, i still can depend on my husband's income, which makes it real good, seeing i'm the wife, i don't have to be the bread winner in my family household, but still i don't have to depend on my husband for money (a lesson well learnt received from my mom. thanks a lot).
5. and lastly, a rather crucial point for me, being an architect faculty graduate, i don't really have to be an architect. judging from what i've seen, an architect faculty graduate can still own an advertising agency, or write a best selling novel, and that's what make it interesting. it still has many prospects of carreer. and i don't really mind to see myself in creative industry world.
i really belive in this phrase, if there's a will there's a way. recently tried to draw straight line without a ruler, and it's still shaky, but i'm working on it. and about the whole stay-up-late-and-piles-of-assignments things, well... big deal. there will always be compensation for everything. can't take it all without any sacrifices.
well look at me rambling on and on like a certain someone. :p but to be honest, i feel better after i write about all my doubts here. wish me luck people. either unpar or nus (which would be a total bogus dream ;p).
i know i can do it!
it's time to draw one eye of my daruma i think ;)
p.s. a friend just said something really comforting to me, and she really opens my eyes. she makes me see how egoist i was, thinking that it's because he doesn't have any feelings. he has his own reasons apparently, and i should've understood. well either that, or he's real mean.
